I used to think Valentine’s Day was the worst holiday in the world for singles. All those happy couples all over the country (and, in my fantastical brain, all over the world) expressing their love, giving thoughtful gifts that prove just how well they know each other, talking about how glad they are that they aren’t pathetically single on this Holiday O’ Love like their friend fill-in-name-here.
But I was wrong.
Because I am single. And I had a fantastic Valentine’s Day. I woke up to coffee poured for me by the host of my couchstay. I had a productive day at work, punctuated by an adorable phone call from my Mom. I went to a mass pillow fight in Justin Hermann Square with some friends and met some new buddies. I checked out two potential apartments. I went back to my other house stay, where I got into my glow-in-the-dark star pajamas and was cuddled and snuggled by my other fantastic hosts (who had celebrated their romance the night before – hence the couchstay - and therefore weren’t bothered by my presence.)
It was delightful. It was fun. I laughed. I got some exercise. I fell in love (again) with this city, and with my friends, and with my life.
What I learned when I came to work today, however, is that meanwhile, one of my in-a-couple friends felt so much pressure about the holiday that he managed to get drunk and surly, not only refusing to be affectionate with his girlfriend but also passing out before he could … well … consummate the holiday. Another in-a-couple friend went to a fancy dinner out, only to get into a huge fight with his girlfriend. For both of them, V.D. was not only unpleasant, but probably caused problems they’ll both have to deal with in days to come. Not exactly the point, right?
As far as I can tell, this is the classic equation: too much pressure + too much expectation = surefire disappointment. And of all the emotions we’re forced to deal with, I think disappointment is one of the hardest to handle.
I don’t know what the solution is. I’m not sure I could avoid the instinct to celebrate this holiday if I were in a relationship now. And as nice as it would be to take back Valentine’s Day as something about expressing love rather than about validating love, I’m not sure even I would be able to put aside my expectations and obligations.
And so. In the meantime, I’m just glad that I spent this particular V.D. completely free. Free of candlelit dinners and long, passionate love-making sessions, yes, but also free of the kind of morning after that both my friends are having – and the impending dread of next year’s holiday.
Viva la single life!
(But now can I get laid?)