Free to be you and pee

I am known far and wide for my spectacular peeing abilities. Famous for my aim, the power of my stream, the depth of the holes I can make in playa dust, the duration. But there is something Savannah can do that I could only dream of: let

I have a special talent when it comes to peeing. I can pee long, hard and strong. I can sink cars if I pee on their tires. I can knock bottles over and put out small fires from 50 yards away. I can start peeing at sunset and not stop until the sky is a deep, dark purple. Give me a bottle of soda and ten minutes later I can piss the Mississippi River into the dirt.

But my talent doesn’t compare to Savannah’s. Because once I start peeing, I can’t stop. The flood gates are open and cannot, under any circumstances, be closed. And herein lies the shadow side of my great talent: what if I don’t want to sink the car whose tire I’m peeing on? What if I don’t have time to spend fifteen minutes squatting in the dirt? What if the bottles I’m knocking over are spaced so far apart that I can’t hit them all in one urination session? If only I could start and stop at will, saving up my pissing powers like a secret weapon, a precise and highly useful tool.

Savannah can.

We go out to the street and she dribbles a bit on a tree. Another couple blocks and she sniffs in the grass, lets out a stream for a second, then keeps walking. Several yards away she christens a trash can, then a bush, then a pile of dirt. After each one she digs into the ground with her back paws (as though to cover the dribbles, though she never actually does), then looks up at me with a look that can only be pride, satisfaction and a little bit of smugness. “Yup, I’m a bad ass,” she seems to say. “What can you do?” And then she promptly takes a shit and watches me pick it up.

Smart and talented.

Damn dogs.

I can’t tell if Savannah just has an endless supply of urine that she can dispense at will, or if she has the ability to space out the emptying of her bladder in increments. Either way I’m jealous.

Of course, I do get to wear cute underwear. And walk on my hind legs. And vote.

So I guess there are trade offs.

Comments

[Atul]

Speaking of peeing, did you see that skit on Saturday Night Live which was a fake commercial for a medication that prevented a "weak stream". It was hilarious. You should see it, might be on YouTube.